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I have often prided my ability to overcome adversity, particularly physical challenge, yet I have come to appreciate that mental struggles cannot be resolved in such a traditional sense, relying on an individual to develop a much deeper sense of self that requires humility, gratitude and respect often above the level society requires.

12 months ago I had a shoulder reconstruction via a hip graph, an obscure procedure but one that was neccessary and preplanned so it is fair to say the reprocussions were understood. six weeks in a sling and a walking cane for the first two made for an amusing visual of a young face with quite a juxtaposition. rehabilitation was slow and showering was the challenge of any day, but I had a good support system around me that went above and beyond in assisting my recovery.

It was not all doom and gloom as I became more ambidextrous and my thoughts and words turned to a place of sanctuary. As I was still practically immobile, I'll admit I let my thoughts and imagination run wild, yet I think it illustrated that my headspace was strong and defiant, never failing to question something's existence.

46 days after my reconstruction, i sliced my shin open requiring twenty-six stitches and was extremely lucky to not cause any perminant damage. Solely due to my own stupidity and adventurous nature, one choice that I would normally never second guess, resulted in my plummet to the lowest I have been in my life. If only some survival instincts had reminded me of the fact I had one arm that was weaker than a newborns, but that finger only pointed to myself.

Now, I found myself back in a rut that felt deeper than the first, only amplified by the fact that I had to care for myself during this period with my trusty walking cane by my side (yes, it made a return). Frankly, I felt pretty close to rock-bottom with constant thoughts of regret, hopelessness, and guilt washed over me as my days seemed substanceless, and attributable to my actions. My left-handed writing did happen to get quite good however, and I began to take more interest in human psychology in attempts to reckon with myself.

At this point the mental struggle became quite apparent, with some substance dependence and the dog being the two things keeping my head above water. I didn't know how to feel, what to even really feel or if my feelings were even valid in the first place. My head was quite literally a washing machine, diagnosable as some concoction of anxiety and depression with all its side effects.

Throughout the subsequent months I navigated this path predominately alone, trying to portray the only consequences were some battle scars and a tougher demeanor. However, I found myself more naturally defensive, my shyness began to shift to intimidation and I continually feared judgement that my image and personality were far from aligned. Overall, I found I lost myself, so many of my personality traits became subdued and I lacked mental clarity to see much further than a few steps at a time. These quotes help to encapsulate some of the feelings during this time.

I had known about exchange from the beginning of the year but had always delayed thought for more pressing matters of studies or work. I wasn't until I landed in DC, that I became awaken to the sense of freedom and independence that such change brought along. My challenges from home hadn't neccessarily gone away, but a new city and the fact I was going to live their allowed for them to be sidelined.

Throughout the past few months I have been fortunate enough to make lifelong friends, opening up to new perspectives and cultures, and have the joy of seeing life from a whole different view point.

Being thrown into a new country definetly has its challenges, however I think it was these challenges that provided me with a spark and a breathe of fresh air that I needed. I understand that exchange, or moving overseas for that matter, is unrealistic for some and I am extremely fortunate for the opportunity that I was presented. But, I think it shows a good example of how sudden/drastic change can catapult someone out of change and monotonous routine.

It's these moments in life that you truly have to cherish, memories that will last forever, and enjoyment that can cure any pain. To continually look on the brightside of life and to quote myself, "there is [always] light at the end of the tunnel".